I can’t even put together a creative outfit that somehow makes me say, “Oh HAI, that’s ME.” It’s all just jeans and Harry Potter t-shirts. Beyond that, when I teach, it’s just whatever shirt and cardigan I grab for the day. Hawt, I know.
When the fact that you’re anxious and depressed makes you more anxious and depressed. And then you try to manage it and you can’t, so that makes you more anxious and depressed.
Gotta love the spiral!
Yes, I’m quite familiar with that…..
I may have mentioned before that I suffer from chronic anxiety—or you may have surmised this, provided that someone is actually reading this. Maybe it doesn’t matter whether or not anyone is.
Some days are just so awful. Anxiety doesn’t always have a definable place it comes from, it can just spring up on, say, your drive home from your best friend’s house. You don’t know why it happened because you had a great, relaxing time with him. It was good. But there you are, in your car, with your elbow perched on the windowsill, heading leaning into your hand. And you’re driving home like there’s no destination.
It always finds a place to attach itself. I think the anxiety comes first and then my brain looks for a reason to feel it. Like it was just waiting to raise its head up and pop out from behind the steering wheel.”Remember me? Wheeeee!”
And it’s a physical thing. I wish I could say that it’s just bad thoughts, as if that isn’t bad enough, it’s also something that makes me feel antsy and cause this feeling of perpetuating hesitation, as if something bad were about to happen.
Anxiety is, apparently, all based in fear. Well, I have lots of that and it’s almost always here. Medication? My anxiety is now laughing at the medication like it was just such an ineffectual, pathetic person. The doctor says I’ve probably grown tolerant but the only thing to do is keep raising it up and up and up and neither one of us want that. So, what I’m on now is just keeping the fort down, in a way. It’s not really caring for the anxiety itself, anymore, just keeping me from freaking out from withdrawal.
It makes it all sound like my life is a hell, and some days it can be, but I can lift my head and look around at my friends and my love and know that I have people who can help me. But there’s always the fear that they will just get tired of your eccentricities, the fact that you don’t always call because you’re in a ball watching Babylon 5.
Fly, you fools. Fly.
I have to venture to Sephora tomorrow and leave with one small tube of moisturizer and nothing else.
Good luck. I can never get out of there with JUST what I went in for….
Some days I’m not that fond of my job, but right now I’m about to start a conference call on branding from my bed wearing sweatpants, an “Occupy Gringotts” t-shirt, and pigtails, so you know. It’s not all bad.
Where did you manage to find an “Occupy Gringotts” t-shirt?
In this mysteriously leaked DVD commentary for Season 4 of “Game Of Thrones,” author George R.R. Martin drops some MASSIVE plot bombshells. (x)
I’ve started the first book (I know - late to the game). I’m doing the audio book and I love it so far. This set is great.
I’ve been thinking about reading the books. Is it worth it now that the TV show is on?